View source for Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent

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'''Arranged marriage''' is a tradition in the [[Culture of the Indian subcontinent|societies of the Indian subcontinent]], and continues to account for an overwhelming majority of marriages in the [[Indian subcontinent]].<ref name="gleansddasdasder">{{Cite web |last=Shakespeare |first=Keisha |date=2005-02-15 |title=Love vs arranged marriages |url=http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20050215/life/life1.html |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20050217010833/http://www.jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20050215/life/life1.html |archive-date=2005-02-17 |access-date=2020-11-12 |website=[[The Gleaner]]}}</ref> Despite the fact that [[romance (love)|romantic love]] is "wholly celebrated" in both Indian mass media (such as [[Bollywood]]) and folklore, and the [[arranged marriage]] tradition lacks any official legal recognition or support, the institution has proved to be "surprisingly robust" in adapting to changed social circumstances and has defied predictions of decline as India modernized.<ref name="hoiberg2000">{{cite book |last1=Hoiberg|first1=Dale |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=-xzljvnQ1vAC |title=Students' Britannica India |last2=Ramchandani |first2=Indu |publisher=Encyclopaedia Britannica (India) |year=2000 |isbn=0-85229-760-2 |location=New Delhi |oclc=45086947 |quote="... It was widely expected that the custom of "arranged marriage," so called, would decline as India modernized and as an individualistic ethos took root ... vast majority (over 90%) of marriages in all communities ... surprisingly robust ..."}}</ref>

Arranged marriages are believed to have initially risen to prominence in the Indian subcontinent when the [[historical Vedic religion]] gradually gave way to classical Hinduism (the {{circa|500 BCE}} period), substantially displacing other alternatives that were once more prominent.<ref name="ref57duxap"/><ref name="ref53riror"/> In the urban culture of modern India, the differentiation between arranged and [[love marriage]]s is increasingly seen as a "''[[false dichotomy]]''" with the emergence of phenomena such as "self-arranged marriages" and free-choice on the part of the prospective spouses.<ref name="ref24gogap">{{Cite book |last=Seymour |first=Susan Christine |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=ClkaIF3KzLIC |title=Women, Family, and Child Care in India: A World in Transition |date=1999 |publisher=Cambridge University Press |isbn=0-521-59127-9 |location=Cambridge, UK |oclc=39235763 |quote="... a "love-cum-arranged marriage" ... In trying to better understand why most young, highly educated women I have known in Bhubaneswar continued to prefer arranged marriages over love marriages ..."}}</ref><ref name="ref41heley">{{Citation |last=Pauwels |first=Heidi Rika Maria |title=The Goddess as Role Model: Sītā and Rādhā in Scripture and on Screen |date=2008 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BSRXu4pcyCsC |place=Oxford |publisher=Oxford University Press |isbn=978-0-19-970857-4 |oclc=268653474 |quote="... love-cum-arranged marriage, also known as "assisted" marriage, seeking to "combine" the best of both types ... addressing the false dichotomy of love and arranged marriage ..." |access-date=2020-11-11}}</ref>

==History==
The Indian subcontinent has historically been home to a wide variety of wedding systems. Some were unique to the region, such as [[Swayamvara]] (which was rooted in the [[historical Vedic religion]] and had a strong hold in popular culture because it was the procedure used by [[Rama]] and [[Sita]]). In a ''swayamvara'', the girl's parents broadcast the intent of the girl to marry and invited all interested men to be present in a wedding hall on a specific date and time.<ref name="ref57duxap"/><ref name="ref33mepeq"/>

The girl, who was also often given some prior knowledge about the man or was aware of their general reputation, would circulate the hall and indicate her choice by garlanding the man she wanted to marry. Sometimes the father of the bride would arrange for a competition among the suitors, such as a feat of strength, to help in the selection process.<ref name="ref57duxap">{{Citation | title=The Brahmavadin, Volume 5 | year= 1900| publisher=M.C. Alasingaperumal, 1900 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=VMgaAAAAYAAJ | quote=''... In ancient times, when the country was governed by Hindu kings, the Swayamvara system of marriage was very common. It is the system of free, choice by the maiden of a husband ...''}}</ref><ref name="ref33mepeq">{{Citation | title=Evolution of Indian culture, from the earliest times to the present day | author=Bhanwarlal Nathuram Luniya | year=1967 | publisher=Lakshini Narain Agarwal, 1967 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=y7sKAQAAIAAJ | quote=''... The swayamvara system of later times was, thus, foreshadowed in the Vedic times. 'The woman, gentle in nature and graceful in form, selects from among many, her own loved one as her husband.' ...''}}</ref> Another variant was the [[Gandharva marriage]], which involved simple mutual consent between a man and a woman based on mutual attraction and no rituals or witnesses. The marriage of [[Dushyanta]] and [[Shakuntala]] was an example of this marriage.<ref name="ref04yuhop">{{Citation | title=Sexual life in ancient India: a study in the comparative history of Indian culture | author=Johann Jakob Meyer | year=1971 | publisher=Motilal Banarsidass Publishers, 1989 | isbn=978-81-208-0638-2 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=izFNswlJ9LMC | quote=''... Gandharva marriage, which is also part of the orthodox system ... Dushyanta. This king's Gandharva marriage with Cakuntala, which is well-known especially through Kalidasa's drama, is a celebrated example ... only for warrior nobility according likewise to Manu ... Narada states without hesitation that this kind of marriage belongs to all castes alike ... 'survival from the time of promiscuity'; might well be understood from an "inter-ethnic" standpoint ...''}}</ref> In the Mithila region of the Indian subcontinent, there is a well arranged system of marriage known as [[Maithil Vivah]] in which bride and groom are married according to the choice of their parents.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Chaudhary |first=Radhakrishna |url=https://books.google.com/books/about/Mithilak_Itihas.html?id=JO4toCiJ2ecC#v=snippet&q=%E0%A4%AE%E0%A5%88%E0%A4%A5%E0%A4%BF%E0%A4%B2%20%E0%A4%B5%E0%A4%BF%E0%A4%B5%E0%A4%BE%E0%A4%B9&f=false |title=Mithilak Itihas |publisher=Ram Vilas Sahu |isbn=978-93-80538-28-0 |language=hi}}</ref>

As the Vedic religion evolved into classical orthodox Hinduism (ca. 500 BC), the social ideas advanced by [[Manusmṛti|Manu]] gained prominence, and large sections of Indian society moved towards [[patriarchy]] and [[caste]]-based rules. Manu and others attacked the Gandharva and other similar systems, decrying them as holdouts "''from the time of [[promiscuity]]''" which, at best, were only suitable for small sections of society.<ref name="ref04yuhop"/> Under the system they advocated (sometimes called ''Manuvad''), women were stripped of their traditional independence and placed permanently in male custodianship: first of their fathers in childhood, then of their husbands through married life, and finally of their sons in old age.<ref name="ref20filij">{{Citation | title=Women and the law | author=Anjani Kant | year=2003 | publisher=APH Publishing, 2003 | isbn=978-81-7648-456-5 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=Z-5nkRZXjPMC | quote=''... The Manusmriti tended to lower women's status and deprived her of her traditional status in a variety of ways ... subjected to the guardianship of the father during her childhood, of her husband during her youth, and of her sons after the death of her husband ...''}}</ref>

It is also speculated that parental control of marriage may have emerged during this period as a mechanism to prevent the intermixing of ethnic groups and castes.<ref name="ref04yuhop"/> Early marriage, in which girls were married before they reached [[puberty]] also became prevalent, though not universal, over time. This emergence of early arranged marriages in the Indian subcontinent was consistent with similar developments elsewhere, such as [[Indonesia]], various Muslim regions and [[Oceania|South Pacific]] societies.<ref name="ref65bigub">{{Citation | title=International encyclopedia of population, Volume 1 | author=John A. Ross, International Institute for the Study of Human Reproduction. Center for Population and Family Health | year=1982 | publisher=Free Press, 1982 | isbn=978-0-02-927430-9 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=4S_SAAAAIAAJ | quote=''... In the Muslim Middle East, bounded by Pakistan on the east, Turkey on the north, the Sudan on the south, and Morocco and Western Sahara on the west, early arranged marriage remains common ...''}}</ref><ref name="ref93jabom">{{Citation | title=The Demographic dimension in Indonesian developmentEast Asian social science monographs | author=Graeme Hugo | year=1987 | publisher=Oxford University Press, 1987 | isbn=978-0-19-582699-9 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=GJy3AAAAIAAJ | quote=''... Marriages in more traditional times tended to be arranged by parents, often before the girl reached puberty, and even the male partner did not always have a say in the selection. This pattern of early arranged marriage ...''}}</ref><ref name="ref34fapir">{{Citation | title=Pentecost: an island in Vanuatu | author=Genevieve Mescam | year=1989 | publisher=editorips@usp.ac.fj, 1989 | isbn=978-982-02-0052-4 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=Q4Qp2gWmbU8C | quote=''... Traditionally marriages are arranged between the families of the future spouses without the latter being consulted or even advised of the plans afoot. Preliminary talks would begin with a visit from the bridegroom's ...''}}</ref> Commentators on both Hindu and European Jewish communities (where early arranged marriages had also gained prevalence) have hypothesized that the system may have emerged because "the answer to the raging hormones associated with teenage sexuality was early, arranged marriage."<ref name="ref53riror">{{Citation | title=Marriage customs of the world: from henna to honeymoons | author=George Monger | year=2004 | publisher=ABC-CLIO, 2004 | isbn=978-1-57607-987-4 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=o8JlWxBYs40C | quote=''... Hindu traditions ... if a girl was not married by puberty, she would soon find a lover, no matter how closely her parents "protected" her ...''}}</ref><ref name="ref29roqil">{{Citation | title=The B'nai B'rith international Jewish monthly, Volume 111 | year= 1996| publisher=B'nai B'rith, 1996 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=V--3AAAAIAAJ | quote=''... The answer to the raging hormones associated with teenage sexuality was early, arranged marriage, so that passion could have a socially ...''}}</ref>

With kinship groups being viewed a primary unit to which social loyalty was owed by individuals, marriage became an affair deeply impacting the entire family for Indian Hindus and Muslims alike and key to "the formation or maintenance of family alliances."<ref name="ref34becug">{{Citation | title=Muslim laws, politics and society in modern nation states: dynamic legal pluralisms in England, Turkey, and Pakistan | author=Ihsan Yilmaz | year=2005 | publisher=Ashgate Publishing, Ltd., 2005 | isbn=978-0-7546-4389-0 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=4OrGYg31fi0C | quote=''... family and kinship groups are seen as the basic units of social organization. Marriage is therefore a matter which is of concern to the group generally ... involved in the formation or maintenance of family alliances ... 'contract between the two families and not two individuals' ...''}}</ref> Sometimes, these arrangements were made at the birth of the future husband and wife with promises exchanged between the two families. Where specific alliances were socially preferred, often an informal [[right of first refusal]] was presumed to exist. For instance, marriages between cousins is permissible in Islam (though not in most Hindu communities), and the girl's mother's sister (or ''khala'') was considered to have the first right (''pehla haq'') to "claim" the girl as for her son (the ''khalazad bhai'').<ref name="ref76laxiy">{{Citation | title=Bioethics and organ transplantation in a Muslim society: a study in culture, ethnography, and religion | author=Farhat Moazam | date=31 August 2006 | publisher=Indiana University Press, 2006 | isbn=978-0-253-34782-4 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=rYrytSegfXkC | quote=''... Families often affirm and strengthen their bonds through marriage between first cousins, unions that are permissible in Islam and thus legal in the country. Marriages of most children are generally "arranged" by parents and elders ...''}}</ref>

Systems such as ''[[watta satta]]'' (exchange marriages, which occur in rural [[Punjab region|Punjab]]) evolved where two families unite by exchanging women in two brother-sister pairs through marriage.<ref name="ref14burac">{{Citation | title=No shame for the sun: lives of professional Pakistani women | author=Shahla Haeri | date=November 2002 | publisher=Syracuse University Press, 2002 | isbn=978-0-8156-2979-5 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=KsVnV_IUNnAC | quote=''... the watta-satta, exchange marriages we have – 'and in exchange she (his daughter) will have to be married to the brother of my brother's wife' ...''}}</ref> As with other cultures, [[levirate marriage]]s (where the brother of a deceased man is obligated to marry his widow) also became customary in some regions for all religious groups, partially to ensure that clan alliances and clan ownership of land rights remained intact even if the husband died.<ref name="ref57yufil">{{Citation | title=Personal law reforms and gender empowerment: a debate on Uniform Civil Code | author=Nandini Chavan, Qutub Jehan Kidwai | year=2006 | publisher=Hope India Publications, 2006 | isbn=978-81-7871-079-2 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=QIMp5ctu_ngC | quote=''... maintaining land structures intact for the patrilineal household, levirate marriage among Jats and other ...''}}</ref>

==Developments in the modern period==
With the expanding social reform and female emancipation that accompanied economic and literacy growth after independence, many commentators predicted the gradual demise of arranged marriages in India, and the inexorable rise of so-called "[[love marriage]]s" (i.e. where the initial contact with potential spouses does not involve the parents or family members).<ref name="hoiberg2000"/> That has not yet come to pass and the institution proved to be "''remarkably resilient''" in the Indian social context, though it has undergone radical change.<ref name="ref53yeyob">{{Citation | title=Voices in my blood | author=Gita Aravamudan | year=1990 | publisher=Sterling Publishers, 1990 | isbn=9789991156927 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=jf5kAAAAMAAJ | quote=''... The arranged marriage is an institution which, in our society, has proved to be remarkably resilient. It has survived the potentially disruptive impact of various very powerful forces ...''}}</ref>

Commonly in urban areas and increasingly in rural parts, parents now arrange for marriage-ready sons and daughters to meet with multiple potential spouses with an accepted right of refusal.<ref name="ref49fimaq">{{Citation | title=[[Freedom and Destiny|Freedom and destiny: gender, family, and popular culture in India]] | author=Patricia Uberoi | year=2006 | publisher=Oxford University Press, 2006 | isbn=978-0-19-567991-5 | quote=''... Though arranged marriage remains the rule, parents have also shown increasing willingness to adjust to their children's romantic aspirations. Both boys and girls (boys more than girls) may be allowed a right of refusal of the partners ... with the legal age of marriage now 1 8 for girls and 2 1 for boys and the actual age of marriage rising steadily as well, a phase now exists between sexual maturity and marriage ...''}}</ref> These arranged marriages are effectively the result of a wide search by both the girl's family and the boy's family.<ref>The wisdom of arranged marriages, Rabbi Levi Brackman, {http://www.ynet.co.il/english/Ext/Comp/ArticleLayout/CdaArticlePrintPreview/1,2506,L-3275463,00.html {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20221227050248/https://www.ynet.co.il/english/Ext/Comp/ArticleLayout/CdaArticlePrintPreview/1,2506,L-3275463,00.html |date=27 December 2022 }}</ref> [[Child marriage]]s are also in steady decline and deemed unlawful in India (with legal age of marriage at 21 years for men and 18 years for women), so the term "arranged marriage" now increasingly refers to marriages between consenting adults well past the age of sexual maturity.<ref name="ref49fimaq"/> Due to this, a strong distinction is now drawn by sociologists and policymakers between arranged marriages (which involve consenting adults that have choice and unhindered rights of refusal) and [[forced marriage]]s.<ref name="ref86doguv">{{Citation | title=A life like any other? : Seventh report of session 2007–08 House of Lords papers | author=Great Britain: Parliament: Joint Committee on Human Rights | date=6 March 2008 | publisher=The Stationery Office, 2008 | isbn=978-0-10-401240-6 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=tsf585_mjB0C | quote=''... It is important to make a distinction between forced marriages and arranged marriages ... given a choice and freely consenting to the marriage ...''}}</ref>

Another significant trend in arranged marriages is related to the loosening of traditional clan-bonds in India. Where potential spouses for sons and daughters were once identified through family and social relationships, they are increasingly being solicited through advertising because many urban parents no longer have the social reach that was a given before the rise of [[nuclear family|nuclear families]] in India.<ref name="ref78fudiy">{{Citation | title=Indian Renaissance: India's Rise After a Thousand Years of Decline | author=Sanjeev Sanyal | year=2008 | publisher=World Scientific, 2008 | isbn=978-981-281-877-5 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=i0ZYFny5cuoC | quote=''... Take, for example, the arranged marriage system. Once it relied on word-of- mouth. Today it is using matchmaking websites like shaadi.com (which claims to be the world's largest matrimonial service) ...''}}</ref> With the advent of the [[internet]], this has led to the rise of matchmaking websites such as ''shaadi.com'' (''shaadi'' is the [[Hindustani language|Hindustani]] word for wedding), which claims to be the largest matrimonial service in the world.<ref name="ref78fudiy"/>

===Self-arranged marriages===
It is increasingly common in India for a couple that has met by themselves and are involved romantically to go through the process of an arranged marriage with that specific partner in mind. Since arranged marriages result in a deep meshing and unification of extended families and are believed to contribute to marital stability, many couples orchestrate their marriages with each other through the processes of an arranged marriage. These marriages are often referred to as "self-arranged marriages" or "love-arranged marriages" in India.<ref name="ref41heley"/>

The emerging trend of "self-arranged marriages" in South Asia represents a fusion of both arranged and love marriage dynamics, reflecting the enduring societal pressures to formalize family unions through matrimonial processes. In this contemporary approach, couples may independently initiate their connection but opt for an arranged marriage framework to meet societal expectations and uphold family honor. Research conducted by Parul Bhandari on the role of families in modern South Asian marriages reveals that while parents may not necessarily control their children's romantic relationships, they wield a significant influence over the outcomes of these relationships. Bhandari's findings suggest that self-arranged marriages in present-day South Asia involve substantial parental involvement, notably through traditions such as the ritual of "meeting the parents." During this ceremonial practice, individuals seeking to marry seek the approval of their intended spouse from their parents. While not exclusive to South Asian cultures, within the context of South Asian matchmaking, parental opinions carry considerable weight in the decision-making process for the marrying individuals.

==The arranged marriage process==
Arranged marriages vary widely by region and community across the Indian subcontinent. The marriage process usually begins with a realization in the family that a child is old enough to marry. For a girl, it is during her graduation or early twenties; for a boy, it is after he is 'settled', with a decent job and consistent earnings. The initiation can occur when a parent or a relative (such as an aunt or an elder sister or sister-in-law) initiates a conversation on the topic or the son/daughter approaches the parent/relative and expresses the desire to be married.<ref name="ref15zucaj">{{Citation | title=Everyday Life in South Asia | author=Diane P. Mines, Sarah E. Lamb | year=2010 | publisher=Indiana University Press, 2010 | isbn=978-0-253-22194-0 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=828fOvb61wIC | quote=''... distinction between arranged and love marriages is in fact becoming increasingly blurred, especially among the urban middle classes ... Parents or other kin may introduce the two, who then might spend some time getting to know each other ...''}}</ref> This relative effectively acts as a sponsor, taking responsibility to get the boy/girl married to a good partner.<ref name="ref97yabeq">{{Citation | title=Sociology and social research, Volume 73 | author=Southern California Sociological Society, University of Southern California | year=1988 | publisher=University of Southern California., 1988 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=GD61AAAAIAAJ | quote=''It is not uncommon to find family-sponsored marriage advertisements. A parent or sibling acts as a sponsor and introduces''}}</ref>

===Finding a matchmaker===
{{multiple image
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| image1            = TeluguMatrimony Office.jpg
| caption1          = An advertisement for an online partner finding company, [[Hyderabad]], India.
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| caption2          = "Finding a match is easier than finding a parking space", [[Chennai, India]].
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If the son/daughter has an identified love interest, the sponsor often takes it upon themselves to try to orchestrate a match with that individual. If no such person exists, the sponsor begins the process of identifying suitable candidates. This is usually done via an intermediary [[Matchmaking|matchmaker]] who has a social reputation for maintaining discretion and brokering successful weddings.<ref name="ref99doqil">{{Citation | title=Sikhism | author=Sewa Singh Kalsi, Martin E. Marty | year=2009 | publisher=Infobase Publishing, 2005 | isbn=978-0-7910-8356-7 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=YOI1nB_zTyAC | quote=''... In the past, the role of a matchmaker was performed by the family nai (barber). Marriage negotiations are conducted in complete secrecy ...''}}</ref> The sponsor approaches the matchmaker with a photograph and the child's horoscope. The matchmaker is often an elderly socialite who is liked and widely connected to many families.<ref name="dawn2010asw">{{Citation | title=Matchmaking in the modern era | date=21 April 2010 | author=Farah Zahidi Moazzam | work=Dawn|location=Pakistan | url=http://blog.dawn.com/2010/04/21/matchmaking-in-the-modern-era/ | quote=''... how did the bride and groom’s families come to know of each other in the first place? Enter the matchmaker. At any given time, in history, around the world, matchmakers have been social busybodies, making it their business to know who is doing what with whom ... Some people, for example, assigned astrologers the dual role of serving as matchmakers... find themselves competing against websites ... When will gender bias in matchmaking end? When will boys be forced to wheel in the tea trolley when the girl’s family pays a visit? ...''}}</ref>

In some regions, specific professions are associated with matchmaking. For instance, in many parts of North India and Pakistan, the local barber (or ''nai'') was a frequent go-between.<ref name="ref99doqil"/> To avoid social embarrassments, complete secrecy is often maintained for any marriage discussions.<ref name="ref99doqil"/> If no good matchmaker is accessible to the family, the family may resort to matrimonial advertising in newspapers or matrimonial websites.<ref name="ref78fudiy"/><ref name="dawn2010asw"/>

===Match criteria===
The family expresses their criteria for a good match to the matchmaker, which is usually heavily influenced by family considerations but also includes the personal preferences of the son/daughter. These considerations vary but can include

* [[Religion]]: Marriages are usually arranged between individuals belonging to the same religion. Same-religion marriages are the norm in arranged marriages among higher [[caste]] people. {{Citation needed|date=December 2022}}
* [[Caste]] and [[culture]]: Usually, first preference is given to the same caste. The ancestry of the individual and the family's culture and traditions also play an important part. Usually, prospective spouses are looked for from families belonging to the same region and having the same [[language]] and [[food habits]].
* [[Profession]] and [[Social status|status]]: The profession, financial position and the social status of the individual are also taken into account. This has a higher evaluation criteria in case of men. Also, in significantly high number of cases, there is obsession for Government Job in case of men since these are considered to be safer and offer more stability.
*[[Horoscope]] Matching: Although not absolutely necessary, many communities of North and South India have a practice of matching Horoscopes of men and women before the alliance. Match making based on Horoscopes involves [[Astrology]] based predictions and evaluates compatibilities of the two individuals. In north India it is called [[Janam Kundali|Kundali]] while in South it is known as [[Nakshatram]].<ref>{{cite news| url= https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/astrology/relationships-marriage/what-are-36-gunas-in-hindu-marriage/articleshow/68205861.cms| title= What are 36 Gunas in Hindu Marriage &#124; – Times of India}}</ref>
* Age: Most often, a man older than the woman is sought, ideally with no more than a 5-year difference in age.{{citation needed|date=April 2021}}
*[[Physical appearance]]s of the individual is taken into account in some cases, more so for women.<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.thehindu.com/classifieds/matrimonial/?list1=bridegrooms | location=Chennai, India |title=Matrimonial News – The Hindu| work=The Hindu}}</ref> Also, the height of the man is sought to be more than that of the woman. Many Indian families are obsessed with fairness of the woman. Matrimonial advertisement often advertise skin pigmentation of the woman such as Fair, Wheatish etc. Fair tones are considered to be advantageous.<ref>{{Cite news|date=2015-03-20|title=India's unfair obsession with fair skin, its impact on relationships|url=https://www.hindustantimes.com/sex-and-relationships/india-s-unfair-obsession-with-fair-skin-its-impact-on-relationships/story-cbkOW7ZShgbR10i5yfvIXI.html|access-date=2020-06-28|website=Hindustan Times|language=en}}</ref>

Matrimonial websites<ref>An alternative to the traditional marriage broker – [http://www.matrimonialsindia.com/ Matrimonial Service Provider] {{webarchive |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20161027231014/http://www.matrimonialsindia.com/ |date=27 October 2016 }}</ref> frequently use some of these factors to enable prospective matches.<ref>Spying a lucrative business https://www.thestar.com.my/data/archives/2013/06/21/09/20/spying-a-lucrative-business/ {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180414172047/https://www.thestar.com.my/data/archives/2013/06/21/09/20/spying-a-lucrative-business/ |date=14 April 2018 }}</ref><ref>Getting married the snappy, global way {{cite web |url=http://www.expressindia.com/news/fullstory.php?newsid%3D56735 |title=Getting married the snappy, global way – Express India |access-date=2009-04-20 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20121010150706/http://www.expressindia.com/news/fullstory.php?newsid=56735 |archive-date=10 October 2012 }}</ref><ref>Examples of Religious Matrimony Service – [https://www.chavaramatrimony.com/ Christian Matrimony Service Provider] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200420034453/https://www.chavaramatrimony.com/ |date=20 April 2020 }}</ref>

===Exchange of photographs/information with prospective matches===
The matchmaker identifies a set of potential matches and, based on mutual agreement between families, it is customary for an exchange of photographs and some documentation of the factors being considered (for instance, astrological charts or a [[Résumé|resume]]/[[biodata]]) to follow. These items are usually returnable if the match does not proceed: In those scenarios, families customarily cooperate to eliminate any trace of a matchmaking conversation between them.<ref name="ref01qofiv">{{Citation | title=The South Asian Americans | author=Karen Isaksen Leonard | year=1997 | publisher=Greenwood Press, 1997 | isbn=978-0-313-29788-5 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=qaJ1AAAAMAAJ | quote=''... They were open to arranged marriages because to them it meant not just the exchange of photos and biodata, but initial introductions and then the freedom to get to know the person for some time before making a decision ...''}}</ref> The son/daughter reviews the information and photographs, with input from the family and friends, and shortlists a few for in-person meetings.

===Meeting prospective spouses===
If the prospective partners express a desire to meet or if the families are enthusiastic about a potential match, it is customary for the prospective groom's family to visit the prospective bride's family. It is traditional for the man's family to arrive (with the man) and be seated with the entire woman's family except the woman, who then makes a dramatic entrance dressed in fine clothes, often bringing tea and refreshments. This practice is sometimes called "seeing the girl" and has been attacked by some Indian and Pakistani feminists as a classic instance of gender-bias and the objectification of women.<ref name="dawn2010asw"/> During this visit, the man and woman are often encouraged to meet and talk by themselves in a separate room.

The families usually part after this initial meeting without any commitment made by either side and with the expectation that they will confer separately and send word through the matchmaker should they be interested in pursuing matters. These meetings are understood to be non-exclusive, i.e., both the man and woman are expected to similarly meet with other potential partners at this stage. There is an expectation of total confidentiality. Families do not usually disclose who else is being considered for their son/daughter and expect reciprocal confidentiality from the other party.

If there is interest from both sides, the matchmaker passes the word to them. If the families are unfamiliar with each other or live in areas far apart, they will frequently launch inquiries through their social and kin networks, attempting to gather as much independent information as possible about the prospective partner. Since urban Indian nuclear families often lack these extensive networks, many private detective agencies have begun to offer "matrimonial investigation services" since the 1980s, which investigate the personal and professional histories of a prospective spouse for a fee.<ref name="washpost2008uyd">{{Citation | title= In Thriving India, Wedding Sleuths Find Their Niche| date=23 February 2008 | author=Emily Wax | newspaper=The Washington Post| url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/02/22/AR2008022203178.html | quote=''In India, hiring a wedding detective such as Paliwal has become a common prenuptial ritual, as important as the heavy wedding gold and the multi-cuisine 10-course meal served on plates coated in rosebuds''}}</ref><ref name="independent2008kah">{{Citation | title=India's female detectives track down Internet cheats | date=25 September 2008 | author=Andrew Buncombe | newspaper=The Independent | url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/asia/indias-female-detectives-track-down-internet-cheats-942572.html | quote=''In India's rapidly changing society, Ms Lahiri is one of a growing number of female private detectives who specialise in so-called "matrimonial investigations" ... In the past, families whose sons and daughters were about to have an arranged marriage would often know each other, or at least know something about the family, through a close friend or relative. But with growing numbers of Indians turning to the internet to find a partner, there is a new knowledge shortfall ... Does this young woman have a "good" reputation, does this young man have a drink problem'' | location=London}}</ref>

===Engagement===
Once there is mutual agreement between the prospective bride and groom that they would like to marry, and no red flags have emerged about either party in the inquiries conducted formally or informally, the other prospective spouses are declined and their photographs and other documents returned. Families usually attempt to maintain a high level of cordiality in these interactions, often invoking the idea of ''sanjog'' (predestined relationship, roughly equivalent to the idea that "''marriages are made in heaven''") to defuse any sense of rancor or rejection.<ref name="ref44piyug">{{Citation | title=Rites of passage | author=Jean Holm | date=January 1994 | publisher=Continuum International Publishing Group, 1994 | isbn=978-1-85567-102-7 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=QRRfXbORzm8C | quote=''... The concept of sanjog (preordained relationship) plays an important role in the establishment of a marriage alliance ...''}}</ref>

An engagement ceremony or a pre-engagement ceremony (such as ''roka'') follows. In urban areas, the future spouses are often expected to go out on dates and develop a romantic relationship in the period between their engagement and their wedding.<ref name="ref36ruhad">{{Citation | title=India today, Volume 19, Issues 13–18 | year= 1994| publisher=Thomson Living Media India Ltd., 1994 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=oXBDAAAAYAAJ | quote=''... doubts about her post-engagement late-night dinners. "But my mother told them it's all right." Adds Delhi's Komal Arora: "My parents would be really upset if I did not go out with my fiance for two days at a stretch ...''}}</ref> In more conservative rural areas, a period of greater freedom in interaction, or even romantic courtship, between the man and woman follows. Though dating may not be socially permissible, nonetheless the couple may talk over the phone.<ref name="ref76zigav">{{Citation | title=Indian anthropologist: journal of the Indian Anthropological Association, Volume 4 | author=Indian Anthropological Association | year=1974 | publisher=The Association, 1974 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=lJgrAAAAIAAJ | quote=''... there was general consensus that after "sagai" (engagement) the boy and girl may be allowed to have pre-marital courtship. The situation is in no way comparable to the western notion of "engaged couple" ...''}}</ref>

==Low incidence of divorce in India==
In India, marriage is thought to be for life,<ref>[https://fashiongoalz.com/divorce-in-india/ India Has Lowest Divorce Rate]</ref> and the divorce rate is extremely low. In 2021, India recorded the lowest divorce rate in the world at just 0.1 divorces per 1000 people. In contrast, the divorce rate in the United States was significantly higher, at 2.5 per 1000. The Indian figure, however, appears to be rising.<ref name="divrate">Divorce Rate in India {{cite web |url=http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rate-in-india.html |title=Comparison of Divorce Rate in India |access-date=2008-09-15 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20140412164909/http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rate-in-india.html |archive-date=12 April 2014 }} Divorce Rate in India</ref><ref name="teluk">[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/1499679/Divorce-soars-in-India's-middle-class.html Divorce soars in India's middle class]  {{webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20090204010909/http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/1499679/Divorce-soars-in-India%27s-middle-class.html |date=4 February 2009 }}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |title=Divorce Rates in the World [Updated 2024] |url=https://divorce.com/blog/divorce-rates-in-the-world/ |access-date=2024-04-13 |website=divorce.com |language=en}}</ref> Opinion is mixed on the implications of this change: "for traditionalists the rising numbers portend the breakdown of society while, for some modernists, they speak of a healthy new empowerment for women."<ref name="teluk"/>

==See also==
{{col div|colwidth=38em}}
* [[Child marriage in India]]
* [[Dowry system in India]]
* [[Dowry death]]
* [[Hindu joint family]]
* [[Inter-caste marriage]]
'''General:'''
* [[Arranged marriages]]
* [[Love marriage]]
* [[Matchmaking]]
* [[Marriage market]]
{{colend}}

==References==
{{reflist}}

==Further reading==
* Uberoi, Patricia (2000). Family, Kinship, and Marriage in India. in: ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=-xzljvnQ1vAC Students' Britannica India: Select Essays].'' Encyclopædia Britannica. {{ISBN|0-85229-762-9}}.

==External links==
*{{Commons category-inline|Brides of India}}

{{Bengali wedding}}
{{Indian wedding}}
{{Social issues in India}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Arranged Marriage in India}}
[[Category:Arranged marriage|India]]
[[Category:Marriage in India]]
[[Category:Marriage in Pakistan]]